Parents Talk: How To Curb Hitting, Biting And Pinching

As a 2-year-old, my son Miles is impulsive and is easily frustrated when he can’t do something or express what he wants or needs.

This is compounded by the fact that Miles has Down syndrome, meaning he’s delayed in his speech and gross motor skills and will be even older before he can tell me what he’s pointing at or whether he wants more milk or water.

Lately, he’s been hitting and pinching us (and other kids) when he gets mad or frustrated. I was mortified when he hauled off and slugged another little boy as I picked him up from day care, running over and grabbing his hands and saying “Miles!! Noooooo. No. We don’t hit. No hitting." 

Nora didn’t really go through a phase like this so I was at a loss. How do I curb this behavior with a child who may not even understand what I’m trying to say?

Don’t overreact -- After talking with our pediatrician, the first thing I learned was to resist the urge to raise my voice. An emotional reaction would only egg Miles on or scare him, so the key for me was a fast, firm and serious response.

Consistency -- This is key, but as any parent knows, is easier said than done. It’s easy to talk a good game when everyone is well-rested, relaxed and has a full stomach. But throw in a crazy night trying to get dinner ready with two hungry, crabby children and discipline can be a challenge, to say the least.

Still, responding the same way every time your child hits, bites or pinches is the best way to curb such behavior. There’s no timetable for how many incidents and reprimands it will take before it sticks, especially with a special needs child like Miles, but eventually, they will learn “If I hit my sister, Mommy tells me no and redirects me, so I won’t do this anymore.” Timeouts are also an effective way to get through to some 2- and 3-year-olds, my pediatrician told me, following the one minute for every year of life rule.

Alternatives -- I haven’t tried this yet, but giving your child an alternative to hitting, biting or pinching can also be effective. Our pediatrician suggested roaring like a lion or growling and clenching their teeth like a bear, something that will distract them and redirect them to another activity.

Triggers -- Knowing your child’s triggers is also key to understanding the behavior and preventing it in the first place. With Miles, I know he tends to get more frustrated when he’s crabby or hungry so I make sure he gets a good nap when he’s home and gets to bed at an early hour so he’s getting enough sleep. I give him a healthy snack if he’s hungry before lunch or dinner, and adhere to a strict meal schedule.

If sharing leads to bad behavior, remove all toys that have emotional meaning to your child before a play date and be sure to have enough interesting toys to go around.